Two years ago today, we said goodbye to our little Emma at 13wks. I miss her so very much and not a day goes by that I don't think about what my life would be like right now if she was here. I wonder who she would look like, me or my DH....would she have my dark hair with curls and DH's blue eyes. Never would I have thought that two years later I would still be trying to have a child. My arms ache to hold my child, to tell her everyday how much her mommy loves her. To do all the things with her that moms and daughters do....to play dolls and dress up, to go to the park and swing, to watch her dance in a recital....those are the longings of my heart and I know that one day God will bless me again, so I wait. The waiting it the hardest, I wonder if I will ever see another positive pregnancy test again, will I ever have the chance to experience the joy when you see that little heartbeat flicker on the u/s machine for the first time, will I ever get to wear maternity clothes and complain about being tired and my back hurting....only God knows....my life, my hopes and my dreams are in his hands and I know that is the best place for them to be.
As I go down this journey, I do not know where it leads or how much harder this road will be....but for today, I am thankful to God for my sweet little Emma...for the 13wks I carried her....and the lifetime I will love her.
Swiss Alps Expedition, Day 2
5 years ago
