Holiday Photos

So here are some great photos from our photo session. I know I am biased but Jacob is so stinkin' cute!! Oh and I have lost 11 pounds....so I am on to goal #2 - 30lbs by April 15, 2010.

weight loss update....

I don't think I blogged about it, but I am finally getting off all the extra weight and my goal is to reach my ideal goal weight by Jacob's 1st birthday and finally be done trying to lose weight. My first goal was 11 pounds by Dec 13th. As of Sunday 12/6, I have 3.2 pounds to go. I have been working out 5-6 days a week and counting my calories. As of this morning, I have 1 pound left to go...hopefully by Sunday I will have reached my first goal and I will set up goal number 2.

Christmas Reflection

I Believe by Natalie Grant

In a land far away
Time stood still
Long ago
There were shepherds in fields
Or at least this is how
The story goes
The story goes
Woman with child
And a man with no room
Born in a manger
For telling it too
This is how
The story goes
But it is more than a fable
And it’s more than a fairytale
And more than my mind can conceive

I believe
The Wiseman saw
The baby born the angels called the son of God Heaven’s child
The great I am
Born to take away my sins through nailed pierced hands
Emmanuel has come

I believe
Two thousand years
Still the story lives on
God’s gift to us Sent to earth Wrapped in flesh
His only son
His only son
And the heartbeat of heaven
Confounded our wisdom
But it’s still the simple truth
That sets me free

I believe
The Wiseman saw
The baby born that the angels called the son of God Heaven’s child
The great I am Born to take away my sins through nailed pierced hands
Emmanuel has come

And I believe
Precious child How can it be that God’s great plan
For his story Would send you to
The lonely tree
That you would come
For one like me

I believe In a cross
I believe he came For one, he came for all
Heavens child became a plan
Gave his life for me In spite of all I am
I believe
I believe
Oh I believe
Christmas lives in me
I believe


Breath Of Heaven by Amy Grant

I have traveled many moonless nights,
Cold and weary with a babe inside,
And I wonder what I've done.
Holy father you have come,
And chosen me now to carry your son.

I am waiting in a silent prayer.
I am frightened by the load I bear.
In a world as cold as stone,
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now.
Be with me now.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.

Do you wonder as you watch my face,
If a wiser one should have had my place,
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan.
Help me be strong.
Help me be.
Help me.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven

For me, this Christmas and all the Christmases to come, are different for me now that I am a mother. I posted above two of my favorite Christmas songs. Now these are not traditional Christmas carols you hear at the holidays, I have favorites of those as well, but these are songs that go much deeper into the Christmas miracle. I have heard these songs for years during the holiday season on KSBJ, but this year, these songs have a new meaning for me. I read these lyrics and sing these songs with the heart of a mother and they bring me to tears almost every time I hear them.

I will start with I Believe by Natalie Grant….what an amazing song that she wrote. The lyrics at the end are what hits my “mother’s heart” hard every time.

And I believe
Precious child How can it be that God’s great plan
For his story Would send you to
The lonely tree
That you would come
For one like me

I believe In a cross
I believe he came For one, he came for all
Heavens child became a plan
Gave his life for me In spite of all I am
I believe
I believe
Oh I believe
Christmas lives in me
I believe

I can’t imagine how hard it was for God to set this plan in motion….to send his only son to this world to die. And not to just die, but to be hated, screamed at, spit on, beaten up and then nailed to a cross with thorns on his head to be mocked, ridiculed and left to die for someone like me. Someone who at the end of day doesn’t deserve this gift…this gift of mercy, yet God sent his son to this world. To a place full of good and evil, full of missionaries and murders, full of hate and full of love. He does this because he loves each one of us more than his son. Now that is a powerful love. I love my son more than my own life and I know I am not capable of loving another human being more than I love my son and I know I would never be able to let my son die for someone else. I can’t fathom how hard it was for God to create this plan and to follow through with it, even when his own child asked him if there is another way because he didn’t want to do it.

As I reflect on my life, I look at the actions and behaviors over the last 31 years and I am ashamed. Not so much because of what my past holds, but more because I feel like I crushed, trampled and spit on God’s gift to me. Now that I am a mother, I see His gift with new eyes. I want God to know that his gift was not in vain and was not lost on me. I will raise my children to know the sacrifice that was made for them and that they need to cherish their salvation every day. I don’t think I would have ever come to this moment in my life if it wasn’t for the struggles of the last two years and the birth of my son. For me, Jacob is putting my life in perspective and this Christmas season, is making me think hard about Heaven’s Child; that was sent to save not only me but all of us.

Can you imagine how hard it was for God to send his son into the world, knowing he would die in a horrible and painful way, knowing you can’t be there physically to hold and comfort him when things get bad? I want God to know that this baby that was born on Christmas Day was a gift to me that I will not take for granted. I want to live my life every day, being thankful to God for not only my family, but for his Son. That even though I don’t deserve what he did for me, I will cherish it for the rest of my life.

Now for Breath of Heaven, where to start there….hearing that song now that I am a mother, rips my heart out. These lyrics are my favorite:

Do you wonder as you watch my face,
If a wiser one should have had my place,
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan.
Help me be strong.
Help me be.
Help me.

I can only imagine how scared Mary was when the Angel told her she had been choosen by God to carry His son and to be His son’s mother. What an honor that was and how scary that must have been. I would have felt that same way Mary did, are you sure God?? Are you sure you picked the right person?? I don’t know that I can do this, but if this is your plan then I will. I have definitely felt that way in the last couple of years, wondering if you are strong enough to endure what God has put on your plate to handle….and like Mary, in a sense, we are all strong enough…if we weren’t, God wouldn’t have choosen us to endure all that we have.

I am not sure how much of God’s plan for Jesus was revealed to Mary, I believe in my heart, that it wasn’t a lot because it would have been hard for Mary, as a mother, to love and raise Jesus the way God wanted if she knew in the end how and when He would die. Oh Mary, I can’t imagine how hard it was for her to watch her son be beaten, spit on and nailed to a cross. I know she had to have cried out to God and begged him to stop this….I would have. I think about the scared and naïve young girl she was when she had Jesus and the strong woman she was when he died. I don’t know that I would have been able to stay strong; I guess you have to when Jesus asks that of you. When He told her not to cry and to be strong, I guess she found the strength within that God gave her to endure all that she did. I look at my son as he sleeps and I just can’t imagine the pain Mary felt as a mother. I think at that moment I would have wished that God has chosen someone else to be Jesus’ mother, so I wouldn’t have to endure this pain….and then in the next moment, I think I would never trade one moment I have with Jacob for anything. Even thought Jesus’ death was the hardest thing I know Mary endured, she was still Jesus’ mother for all those years. And those memories and that time she had with him….made his death bearable, she would never trade those days for anything. Mary would rather endure Jesus’ death then to have never had him at all.

For me, this Christmas means so much more. Not only did God sacrifice his son for me, but so did Mary. As a mother, you want to protect your children from the world; you hope and pray that they will never know pain. But we also know, that they will hurt, they will be scared and they will make mistakes…but because of this little child that was born on December 25th, in a stable, to a scared young girl, our children will never be alone, God is always with them…and that is the reason for the season, that is the gift, that as a mother, I will always be thankful for.